romeo and juliet

hello my friends!!brrrrr!! got your gloves and mittens out?? ugh!! i'm moving to italy! in my dreams!! haha!! its no secret that i'm not a big believer in love anymore. i've mentioned it many times. i used to believe, i almost fell for it recently. i used to be this hopeless romantic...and not that long ago i thought i met the love of my life. he just didn't seem to feel the same way. all around me i see both couples in love and heartache. its a conundrum...lol. big word for such a little girl! anyway, so dummy me, i rented "letters to juliet" thinking, it will be a nice love story. and it was. i cried through the whole thing...what a sap! it was about love, loss, losing the one you love, and then finding them again, and being with the wrong person...and finding the right one. even though it was just a movie, it touched upon some very real subjects of the heart, and of life. we all know that most of the time life doesn't have the same happy endings that movies do. love is unpredictable. and as skeptical as i am on the outside, id like to think that on the inside im holding out for that happy ending. what i do know is that although i'm not totally disappointed, i'm not exactly where i thought i'd be in my life, but i'm still writing the ending.

we are born, we live, we die. sometimes not necessarily in that order. we put things to rest only to have them rise up again. so if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? because you sure can't count on anything in life. life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. in fact there is only one thing in life we can be sure of. it aint over 'til its over.

is it real or is it memorex?

hello my friends!! hope you all survived the rain ok! personally i had to canoe from the house to the car!! LOL! ok maybe im embellishing a little, but it sounded funny!anyway...sometimes things happen to me...but then i have to think, am i remembering this right? or did i dream this up? was it all just a dream to start with? not that long ago a close friend met someone. he said that when she walked in the room, it took his breath away, and suddenly there was no one else in that room-just her. he had just met the love of his life, and they had an evening he would never forget. a kiss that would stay with him forever...like a dream or a fantasy. that's the way HE remembered it. but he never heard from her again...so he started to think maybe he dreamed it up. has that happened to you? you remember it differently then everyone else? and you are afraid to talk about it because you are afraid your friends will think you are crazy? or it might actually interfere with your friendships? and if it did actually happen that way, and the dream is true...then what happens? perception is a funny thing...and we all have one...

when fantasy meets reality you never know what you are going to get. sometimes the reality falls just a little short of the dream. and sometimes it exceeds all expectations. it takes courage to reveal your secret desires. sharing them is a gamble, that sometimes brings us closer together, and sometimes pulls us apart. maybe that old saying is true, be careful what you wish for...it might come true[that is, if was even real to start with] (men in trees)

maybe we are all just a little homeless

hello my friends!! here we are again!! fall is upon us...i do love the change in seasons, if only it didn't lead into winter!! ugh!!! so i will make the most of what is left of the good weather and enjoy the beautiful foliage to come! i am definately an outdoors girl...always looking for a babbling brook with a soft waterfall or just the right two trees to walk between.
so it was appropriate that i spent the weekend in the pocanos (did i spell that right? LOL) anyway it was great! lots of fun, we went for a friend's wedding, one of my sister's and my mom went as well. and during the wedding ceremony, in walks a homeless woman, carrying what i presume to be all of her megar belongings. she walked right past the priest, the bride and groom, right in front of the whole congregation and sat herself down in a pew. stunned, everyone stared in silence. then a few people snickered-which made me mad. i always think to myself "there, but for the grace of god, go i." she was older, with a weathered face, that i found so beautiful. she crossed herself, and she bowed her head and she prayed. there was nothing pretentious about her. she had come for god's blessing, and then she looked up, hopeful, and participated in the rest of the mass.
people tend to judge homeless people. truth is, we don't know why they are homeless, or what circumstance brought them to where they are. it's a short road for alot of people. i don't look at them with pity, i pray that they find courage and strength to get up everyday and face their burdens...just like the rest of us.

erasmus wrote:
what else is a whole life of mortals, but a sort of comedy in which various actors, disguised by various costumes and masks walk on and play each one his part, until the manager waves them off the statge.

let us consider that we are all insane. it will explain us to eachother. it will unriddle many riddles. mark twain

until next time...safe journey.

in death do us part...

hello my friends!!ok..where the hell did summer go?? 90 degrees one day 60 the next! NY is like a fickle old lady! gotta love her! not so much!
lets talk about something we all hate to talk about. we don't even like to think about it. death. a beautiful young women died yesturday...and i mean young. no matter what your beliefs are i think its safe to say that some people stay on this earth waaaaayyy too long, and some are taken way too early. it's not so much the death part-although obviously that really sucks, but its all the suffering that goes with it. and not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like my BFF kelly to be there holding your hand, or my mother who made sure my father left this earth with as much dignity as possible. and as much as we prepare for death, and then after we walk around saying, "its for the best, they are in a better place." (that is true of course) but they are just words. you still feel the loss. that person is gone, and you still have the pain, and the emptiness inside of knowing that you wont ever hear them laugh again, or be able to touch them. it just takes time, so keep your pictures and your memories, that once, she locked you in a port-a-potty at inner harbor and almost knocked it over!

behind everybody we love lies the invitability of their loss. but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier when they are gone. and you are left with trying to come to terms with what's lost. (author unknown)

i failed chemistry!

hello my friends!! you know summer is almost over when the great NYS fair is upon us!! all that traffic!! lol and that delicious smell when you drive by!! i always eat my way through the fair! i hope the good weather stays with us for alot longer though.
humans are supposed to be the smarter species, but we could learn a few lessons from animals. for instance, several species of animals mate for life. lets take canadian geese for example. they land on my pond every spring and every fall during their travels, honking up a storm! and when the hunters take their quota they always leave several devestated geese behind desperately searching for their mates. and they don't leave. they stay there. now humans on the other hand it's just not tha simple. because we are more intelligent and are always looking for more...we choose several mates in a lifetime.
it is my firm belief that MOST of us-and no not all, so those of you who married your childhood sweetie and still get the "utz" don't get your jockies in a knot! but most of us don't mate for life until we are in our 40s or even 50s. maybe later. its all about chemisty. i think we settle for whatever reason. 'cause "it's the right thing to do" (see my last blog!). or we want kids..whatever. one person has chemisty, the other not so much so what the heck lets get married we could be happy. but not for long. then its gone...it's no longer fun and boom you move on. but when you BOTH have that rare and amazing chemistry-grab it because thats the one. you get that "utz" in your stomach when they smile at you, or you look at them-even 10, 20 years later. but i think that comes with maturity, and knowing what you want. do you have your "utz"? i mean the long term "utz"? it's a legitimate question. don't settle. it's not fair to either of you and life is too short.

the good news and the bad news about chemisty is that we never fully understand how it works. every relationship is an experiment, you never know exactly what you'll get. (just like forrest gump and his box of chocolates!) some people bring out a side of you that you didn't know you had. some people remind you that your story isn't over. some people surprize you. and once in awhile you surprize yourself, and although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more not less. and sometimes YOU CAN"T GET MORE (obviously that statement is important), sometime what you had is gone forever. and although it's painful you have to find the strength to go on. to keep searching for that love, for that one perfect ingredient. no matter how far or how deep youo have to go to find it. (men in trees)

until next time...safe journey.

what exactly is the right thing to do?

hello my friends!! wow look at this!! here i am writing again so quickly!! well i have alot on my mind these days. here we go again with the choices. not just me, my friends and family. all of us. what to do what to do. right? whats the right thing to do. well my pop always used to tell me that doing the right thing ISN'T always the right thing to do. i didn't get it then, but i did as i got older, and i sure do now. i see my friends in unhappy relationships, marraiges, jobs, situations, making up excuses about why they stay, ultimately i get "it's the right thing to do." all the while they are unhappy, and making the rest of us unhappy. excuses don't change the outcome. all to often we stick to what's familiar, whats safe. we like the routine, why take a chance of messing that up? hell, we might just be happy..it's like we are afraid of success. i'm just as guilty. always leaning on, "it's the right thing to do." afraid people will judge us, or make us feel guilty for taking in some pleasure, finding happiness. we shouldn't interfere in our friends and families lives because we don't agree with what they are doing or we don't think it's right. we may be affecting they're decisions with our opinions. don't do something you think is right because everyone says its right-it may not be the right thing to do. it may not be the right thing for YOU. i always say if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy. what i think, doesn't matter.

my predecessor abe lincoln once said "when i do good, i feel good. when i do bad, i feel bad." if only it were that black and white. sometimes doing the right thing makes you feel everything but good. it can feel scarey, or uncomfotable. [unhappy] because even when you make the right choices, things can still happen. as much as we want them, there are no guarentees [in life]. all we can do is have faith. and if we act with our heart, the things we do will one day make us feel right. even if sometimes the thing we do feels just a little wrong. (men in trees)

until next time...safe journey.

what about the past?

hello my friends!!! wow! what a fantastic summer!! and its just winging by so fast!! why can't winter go this fast? this blog took me a looong time to write. not only was i studying for the "dreaded test"..LOL..right donnie? but it was hard to find the right words. so i wrote it, then i re-wrote it. the i re-wrote it again! yikes! i've never second guessed myself so many times!! i've been doing that lately-i don't recommend it, its not a good idea.
ah the past. its a double-edged, no a triple-edged sword, ok multiple edges!! you can fall off at any given moment. i've heard it said, "don't dwell on the past" or "don't go back unless you want to be there." well sometimes i do want to be there. i had some damn good times i'd like to relive over and over again. or maybe i'd "get it right" this time. but mostly i don't like, or want to make the same mistakes twice, so i want to learn from my past. you can't just sweep the past under the rug and walk away. doesn't work like that. number one you wont learn a damn thing from it, number two it doesn't just go away, its always there, it WILL find you and it sneaks up on you in the most inconvenient times. you gotta face it. own it. and yes that is the voice oof experiece talking there. LOL. and i don't know a single person in this world who hasn't made mistakes and then just tried to forget them or hide from them. damn dog wakes up everytime. and number three-don't forget about those good times-enjoy them. that's why they're called "the good ol' days."

we think of the past as water under the bridge, a current that carries away the mistakes of our youth. the loves we lost, the addictions we gave into, the opportunities we threw away. but sooner or later reminders drift back into our lives of the mistakes we've made and the sins we've commited. and we do have to pay for them.
the past is never truely behind us. ghosts lurk in the shadows eagar to remind us of the choices we made. but if we look back, we might find an old friend welcoming us with open arms, or an old enemy with a hidden agenda. sadly, some of us refuse to look back, never understanding that by denying the past, we are condemed to repeat it. (author unknown)

until next time...safe journey.

peace, love and BEER!!!

hello my friends!! did you miss me?? ok don't answer that, i can be sensative ..LOL. anyway, i hope you are enjoying this beautiful summer!!! at least this year we got more then one month-haha!! so yesturday i had the greatest experience....brought me back in the past to so many great memories!! we went to a mini woodstock-minus all the drunks and drugs of course!! LOL it was a middles ages festival in a park, people from all walks of life, playing gutars and washboareds-LOL sitting on blankets and lawnchairs, or up dancing in the rain, kids playing....i remember people talking about woodstock, which i always wished i was old enough too go to, and all the great concerts they used to have at longbranch park when we sang music with a purpose, about a cause, when everything seemed to matter....and this time i was not only with great friends, but i got to bring my 10 year old son with me!! we created a new memory together...i wished the moment had lasted forever.

life would be so good if we could just freeze moments in time. the time when we were happy. when we knew we were loved, [or had a purpose,] but we can't. so instead we find ourselves retracing footsteps that may have washed away. we fight to remember [those good times, and] those connections even as time wipes our slaates clean, we strive to make [new memories and] connections that we hope time will indulge. when communication fails, words [and songs] remain behind. proof that we were here, that we mattered, that someone cared. in the end, the past may be all we have.(author unknown)

until next time....safe journey.

moving on..

hello my friends!! are we lovin summer or what? i know i am! i have a little garden going, i am totally neglecting my housework as usual-LOL, and getting as much sunshine as i can!! but of course we all no that nothing lasts forever. i have many friends right now that are have a difficult time either letting go of a relationship, or the other person is letting go of them. the end of a relationship-good or bad is never easy. i know that i have one in particular that even i still kinda cling to-even if its just in the back of my mind, its still there. and from time to time, it still stings. you have memories, you made plan together, for most of us "i love you" was said. you thought you mattered. and then for one reason or another, one of you just walks away, leaving the other one blindsided with their mouth agap(ok did i use that word right? did i even spell it right? LOL. hey it happens. thats life these days. sometimes we keep trying, but the bottom line is, when its over its over and the only remedy is time. and only when you are ready...as one of my very best friends has told me many times (kelly) you put on your big girl panties, or big boy skivvies and ya move on!

so i guess there's no easy way to move on from a relationship. you cant't just flip a switch and suddenly be over it. because the road really is full of hidden potholes. you can try staying in the relationship. you can stay home and dream of the perfect unobtainable one. but in the end, it just takes time. lots of time and tears. (men in trees)

until next time...safe journey.

peter pan syndrome!

hell my friends!! i know its been awhile-see now i CAN blame the good weather!! here in NY i am bound and determined to enjoy our one month of summer!! lmao!! which got me to thinking about all the fun i have had so far....with all my family and friends!! seems like we dont do much in the crappy months-i mean we party a little....but summer comes and holy hell we are kids again!! we have gone to festivals downtown...inner harbor, BBQs, had bonfires and parties right here-LOL-i've been to thunder in old forge, swimming in the lake, the beach, to the pool w/the kids, we have a trip to thunder island and sea breeze planned, camping, fireworks...shall i go on? im more of a kid then my own kid haha!! grow up?? naawwww, plenty of other times when we have to do that, many other situations in our lives where we HAVE to be adults, so i say, when you can be peter pan....then be peter pan.

there comes a point in your life when you are officially an adult. suddenly you are old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. suddenly people expect you to be responsible, serious-a grown up. we get taller, we get older...but do we ever really grow up?

until next time...safe jouney.

all in the family...

hello my friends!!! have you started building your ark yet? lol it has been raining alot!! the animals in my yard are lining up two by two!! this past week there has been alot to do with family!! we had family in from out of town...there is a new baby on the way, so there were BBQs, a baby shower, we have a graduation party in the planning, a wedding shower in the planning and a wedding...LOL!!! whew that's alot of family gatherings...both sides, all sides...you get that much common DNA in the same area and well just watch all the fun!! haha!! hey i love my family....i seem to get along fine with all of them and i hope they enjoy my company-LOL!! not all families can say that. i have friends who dont have much contact with their families, or whose family just dont give them the time of day. i ask them, "what are you doing for the holidays?" and when they say, "nothing, i have no family.", thats when i share my DNA, because as you can see, we like tove to celebrate LOL!!! people say you can't choose your family, what you can do is look deeper then the dinner table, beyond the DNA and redefine the word. (in plain site)

split apart, reuinited, or readjusting for new conditions, on the ground family is a double edged sword. they are the best of times, the worst of times, your keys to the kingdom, and the skeletons in your closet...(in plain site.)

until next time...safe jouney.

happy fathers day!

hello my friends!!! so happy fathers day you fathers out there!!! this day is a mixed day of emotions for me. my own dad has passed, but he was a great provider and loving father. my son's father however-well, not so much. he isnt around at all, and my 10 year old son tells me all the time, all i want is a dad. i know some great dads out there, i know some guys that do not have any children of there own but have been some of best dads i have know to their step children-my brother-in-law dave, yes doug my cupcake-lol- im talkin about you too, and my friend rollobee just to name a few. i know some guys who would make great dads when they are ready-donnie and lance, and i know some not so great dads and i just dont get that. and to those dads who dont make time for their children i say, come over here and talk to my 10 year old who wants nothing more then to have someone to make breakfast in bed for today, shoot hoops with, or who used to ask santa every year for someone to call dad. its important to them..... but for the rest of you great dads....HAPPY FATHERS DAY!! you deserve it!!

father figure is a phrase as potent as mother nature. say it out loud and the images fly from having a catch in the side of the yard to the sceen door slamming exit of the dead beat dad. for every fathers knows best and atticus finch there's a great santini bouncing a ball off the head of his teenage son. one thing's for sure, the father figure, in your face or out the door will make his presence felt like it or not. (in plain site)

until next time...safe journey.

my connections are better then ever

hello my friends!!! i just had one of the best birthdays ever....! wow! i have such great friends and family! i know i have said that before and i know i will say that again. its so funny how the universe works. last year i remember sitting alone on my birthday-ugh that such a lonely feeling. and i cried to my BFF in new zealand -the bones-and she told me get out and join some groups, meet new people doing the things you love to do! so i have...my motorcycle friends of course, the beautiful friends and family i already had in my life, people i have met because we have kids the same age, and my newest set of friends from my EMT class!! we are all now and have been connected forever it seems even if we didnt know it! at least thats how i feel, like some of us just found eachother-its that connection i have been looking for. in these difficult times we are all facing, when you are feeling alone (and sometimes its hard not to), try to remember and hold onto these connections, these beautiful people you have in your life-you may not even realize. i am so greatful for everyone of mine...i love you all.

we are all connected. joined together by an invisible thread. infinite in its potential, and fragile in its design. yet while cononected we are also merely individuals. empty vessels to be filled with infinite possibilites. an assortments of thoughts, beliefs-a collection of disjointed memories and experiences. can i be me without these? can you be you? and if this invisible thread that holds us together were to sever, were to cease....what then? wht would become of billions of lone disconnected souls? therein lies the greatest quest of our lives...TO FIND, TO CONNECT, TO HOLD ON. for when our hearts are pure, and our thoughts in line, we are all truely one, capable of repairing our fragile world, and creating a universe of infinite possibilites.(heroes)

until next time...safe journey.

we climbed the mountain!!

hello my friends!! so here i am again!! finally school is over and i have just completed the most amazing journey. when i started this class back in january i as scared to death. here i am in my 40s starting a whole new career in a room full of mostly young people, and i was convinced i was not ging to make it!! but not only did i make it, i made some wonderful friends along the way-counted amoung my best friends now-and because of them last night i graduated with honors. without them,i would not have done that or come this far. there were times i struggled-we struggled-but we worked our butts off together and we got through it. and last night we stood proudly all of us, our families there taking pictures and cheering as we took credit for this amazing accomplishment-this amazing jouney. but everything that we went through since january 11th, 2010...all the hard work, late night studying, struggling, etra class time to get it right, encouraging eachother-it was worth it and then some. no one saw that part, the hardest times-but those are the proudest memories for me...of all of us.

they take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. they're smiling, elated, triumphant! they don't take pictures along the way 'cause who wants to remember the rest of it? we push ourselves because we have to. not because we like it. the relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level-nobody takes pictures of that. nobody wants to remember. we just want to remember the view from the top. the breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. that's what keeps us climbing. and its worth the pain. that's the crazy part. it's worth anything. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe jouney.

yeah...i don't think so.

hello my friends!! i know i know!! its been longer then usual!! i do have a legimate excuse!! well i think anyway!! we have been studying hard for our certification and everything else has been put on a back burner for now. but i am almost done!! then i will use the nice weather as an excuse!! haha!!
anyway, my son's 4th grade teacher told me she wants him to start watching the news...keep up on current affairs so he could join the other kids in their discussions!! i about burst out laughing in her face! they are 10 years old for goodness sake!!! i have listened to their conversations, they talk about poop, farts and spongebob!! watch the news? my child>? no, im sorry. i watched it the other night. there was a robbery, a murder, a rape, and the state of our government, and economy is enough to make us cry 24 7. he doesn't need to know about it, he doesn't need to worry about it. thats my job. thats why im not always my happy shiney self all time-not many of are any more. its just the way it is. but not in 4th grade. not if i can help it. thats called being a parent.

ralph w sockman said:
"nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength." and john morley said:
"nature in her most dazzling aspects or stupendous parts is but the backround theatre of the tragety of man."

until next time....safe journey.

what goes around....

hello my beautiful friends!! i hope you are all well!!! spring is in full bloom!! i love this time of year!! this is where life begins again. a chance to start over. we all have choices to make. thats no revelation. lol. but the choices we make, they don't always just affect us, they also affect the people around us. in these difficult times our choices are getting harder and harder. unfortunately, i know of many people who have made undesireable choices that have been to their benefit, and the demise of others. i am not a judge and jury, but i believe in karma. and surely we all know what goes around comes around. and if you don't know that lesson yet, i am afraid my friends, that you surely will learn it the hard way.

passing the point of no return doesn't just happen. it's a choice that we make. a line we decide to cross, and then we live the consequences. there are no promises of a posative outcome. no guarentees that, like caesar, we'll end up with an empire.[and look what happened to caesar in the end.] all we can really count on is that things will change, and that we will have to live with the results. and that's the hard part because we are defined by our past. we can rethink our choices a million times, but what we decide we own. it becomes a part of who we are. and while we may be crossing the river, our footprints will always remain on the other side. (donner)

until next time...safe journey.

who wants to live forever?

hello my friends!! i know it still feels like winter...but change is coming!! i hope!! lately i have had the unfortunate experience of having not one or even two friends come to me, but several come to me and tell me that someone they knew has committed suicide. and each time i cried for them because they said to me, could they have some how been a better friend?? it's a question i ask myself all the time. but i think we all know that in these hard times it goes way deeper than that. there is a song that i play all the time that says "when a heart breaks it don't break even..." part of me wants to tell you to stay posative and hopeful, after all hope floats. and like the weather, change is coming. but i am also realistic. before it can get better it will most likely get worse. am i wishing for it, or trying to draw that on us?? no...but life is life. and we can't control the rest of the world...and sometimes what we are doing in our corner isn't enough to keep the rest the of the world out...but thats kind of an obvious statemnent.

we forget sometimes how much the world can hurt. it can hurt people we love. people we don't. people caught in the middle. even people who'd give anything if they could just never ever hurt again. but sometimes the hurt can't be avoided. it just keeps coming at us and it can't be stopped. its in us and it can't be seen. or it's lying next to us in the dark, waiting. but sometimes it doesn't come at all. sometimes we get this other thing that flutters down out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. sometimes, rarely, barely, but just when we need it most and expect it the least...we get a break. (mary shannon, us marshal, in plain site)

until next time...safe jouney.

things that make you go hmmmm

hello my friends!!! i hope you have been well!!! i have been busy as usual!! i have adjusted some things to this site so you should all be able to leave comments if you want to...good or bad, i welcome all thoughts. so i hope to start hearing from more of you. i know you are out there!!
i have made many new friends of late, and re-aquainted with old friends thanks to facebook!! we all struggle with different things. you have heard me say many times before that life is difficult and that is no revelation. we want things to be perfect but of course thats not realistic. but still we want to know why sometimes...why me? why with all my hard work and hard efforts do i do all the right things and bad things still happen. thats just life. sometimes you do everything you can and you still get a bad outcome. its discouraging, no one knows that more then me, or maybe you do. but just because sometimes my best isn't good enough, is not a reason not to give it anyways. and to realize that it all happens for a reason. life is going to happen without rhyme or reason that we always understand. so when you lay your head on your pillow, whether it was a good day or a bad day just remember you really did what you could...the universe just took it from there.

sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. sometimes you do everything right-everything exactly right, and still you feel like you have failed. could something have been done to prevent the tragety in the first place? probably not. sometimes the day just ends. (author unknown)

until next time...safe journey.

the key

hello my friends!! i hope you are having a wonderful day!! i want you all to know that i am researching new blog sites thanks to the help of my very good friend and class husband-lol-don!! hopefully with a new site you can all actually subscribe and leave comments.
that being said i feel like when i blog i am supposed to always be happy and posative...and if i am not i am letting you all down. but thats really my own fault for feeling that way. i am sure that like me you'll all have days where you struggle. and this blog is the perfect place for me to express my feelings whether they are happy or sad. and i have posted sad blogs before, i just don't like doing it LOL!
a character i follow n TV from the show in plain site said that "time kills everything. hope, health, dreams, even love. everything we love is eventually murdered by the hands of time." thats true and thats life. but that doesn't mean we have to feel good about it. its safe to say that we can't leave here until we find the door, or as jim morrison said no ne gets out alive. of coure i am not looking for THAT door right now!! LOL i am still looking for the key to the OTHER door!! my happily ever after!! although i hate that phrase. its gotta be just around the corner, right?? i am trying to keep up the hope, and the dreams...but i am 46 years old and still looking for love-although there again, and i've said it before-you know how i feel about that. there's that time thing again.

some say love is the only thing that's real. some say life would be a whole lot better with out it. for me the jury is still out on that one.(in plain site)

until next time...safe journey.

where are you today??

hello my friends!!! ok i just had the laziest week of my life LOL!! thats why my blog is behind!! i am embarrassed to say...i did nothing!! but ok, today starts anew! and here i am!! and i would like everyone who reads this to take a moment regardless of who you are, where you are, no matter what your age-pause for a moment and think back to when you were planning your future as a highschool or college graduate and think...is this where you thought you would end up?? now wait!! i am not saying its necessarily a bad thing, that just because you ended up on a different road in life that you failed-hell no!! i simple said, are you where you thought you'd be?? i'm not! but i don't feel like a failure! i have my moments, i'm human. for the longest time i felt like a total loser with the bad choices i had made, but anyone can do that. i've made alot of good choices too. we make good choices we make bad choices. life throws things at us constantly, you make the best of it and from what i can see of all of you that i know-including me, we done good!! maybe we aren't where we thought we'd be, maybe we are....you adapt, make new plans and hope for the best!

no matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. we'd prefer to know of course what curve balls will be thrown our way. it's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day...of life...the people we never expected to show up, the turn of events we never would've chosen for ourselves. all of the sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. and its nice, or it takes some getting used to. still you know you'll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. so you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing your lists, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way, will be happy ones. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe journey.

parenthood!!!

hello my friends!! i am soooooooooooooo lovin this weather!! the peepers are out!! and that is my most favorite sound in the whole world!! i love to just sit outside at night and listen to mutual of omaha going on in my yard LOL!!!
i am going to start todays blog with a quote and end with a quote. my son's birthday was yesturday, so of course i spent the day trying to make sure he had a great time and wondering if i was really a good parent!!

psychologists believe that every aspect of our lives, all our thought processes and behavior patterns are the direct result of our relationship to our parents...that every relationship we have is really just another version of that first relationship. its just us trying over and over again to get it right.(grey's anatomy)

yeah, i don't know if i buy that, do you? i mean, my parents were great, my mom still is and look at me! LOL i haven't made the best choices in my relationships!!!but i think i am doing a good job as a mom. and i know people who have had the worst parents in the world and they are best parents now, and their relationships seem fine to me. we get make our own choices when we grow up. my dad always said that you can't help how you start out in this world, whether it's good or bad, but you sure as hell can write the ending to your own story. so, choose to be a good parent, and if you struggle a little so what. its not a crime to ask for help or advice. i do all the time. it makes you a better person because that means you want to do the best job you can.

it's the most important job in the world. you probably should need a license to do it, but then most of us wouldn't even pass the written exam. some people are naturals, they were born to do it. some have other gifts. but the good news is biology dictates you don't have to do it alone. you can waste your whole life wondering. but the only way to find out what kind of parent you'll be is to stop talking about it and just do it. (grey's anatomy)

until next time....safe journey.

i learned something from the bully!!

hello my friends!! i hope you get to get out and enjoy this is beautiful day!! and thats no april fools joke!!! so the coolest thing happened to me in class yesturday!!! and i kinda owe it all to my bully!! i have been laying a been low in class. still participating, of course, but not as much. i admit, i felt self conscious! then yesturday, out of the blue, one of the girls-whom i admire anyways BTW, with her awesome attitude, and infectious laugh-just starts shouting out answers lefts and right!!! i was so proud of her, not that i had anything to do with it, it was all her hard work!!! but felt great to me for another person to accel(sp?). so by me stepping back a little, someone else got to step forward!! how great is that?? it just reaffirms my belief that everything happens for a reason, and there is a lesson to be learned in all that happens to us whether its good or bad. thank you bully!!

satisfaction comes not from having all the answers, but from watching others find them. (charles epps, numbers)

until next time...safe journey.

burning bridges

hello my friends!!! anyone else have cabin fever besides me?? LOL so i was helping my mom do her laps around the hospital hallways yesturday-one of the rare occaisions i got to go there, thank god for my sister's who have been able to pick up my slack-and i asked her for some wisdom. i mean i know things change, but when i was growing up the neighbors stopped in daily for coffee, we went camping together on every summer holiday until i graduated from highschool, there were block parties, and poker nights...we don't have any of that now. hell i barely know my neighbors. the only way i even know if the old man next door is alive is if he puts his garbage out on thursdays!! LOL!! so my mom pointed out to me that back then not only did they not have the technology we have today, i.e. cell phones and internet, but most of the women didn't work, so they could stay home and socialize during the day as they took care of the home and the kids. they formed bonds. we don't really have that luxery anymore, most of us anyway-and believe me, i feel it. oh i have friends...good friends. dear friends, that i love. but we aren't connected like they were because they didn't have texting and email. they had coffee, they did the shopping together, and camping trips...and bake sales...lord, remember those??

we cross our bridges when we come to them, and burn them behind us. with nothing to show for our progress, except the memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. (tom stoppard)

until next time....safe journey.

its the little things

hello my friends!! did you miss me?? LOL..ok don't answer that!! we look at EMT's, paramdeics, and doctors and we envy them because they get to save lives on a daily basis. in the true sense i mean. but what the world has forgotten is that we can do the same in a figurative sense...i hope i am saying that right lmao. ok if i am wrong just let me know. but here is what i mean. remember the little things we used to do for eachother?? bring eachother coffee, or you brought someone flowers just to cheer them up?? how about when we just used to listen to eacahother?? lol i am not saying that we don't do that at all, but lets face it, our lives are busy, so we text or email more often then not. times are tough, i see alot of saddness. maybe a shoulder is just enough to save a life...right?? its the little things we did...or do for eacahother that mean the most. maybe its time to get back to that. out of all the things i got for christmas this past year, my favorite candybar from my 9 yr old made me the happiest. now thats what i'm talking about...

it is rare to get the chance to actually save someone's life. for most of us our days are filled with a sense of small gestures. like a place to lay your head, or a beer for a thirsty friend. then there are times when life calls for a bigger gift. whether you give yourself a fresh start or a second chance to someone else. but at the end of the day perhaps it is our small gestures that will add up to something big to a life saved or at least a life bettered. because sometimes the grandest gesture can be the smallest one of all. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe journey.

or not knowing the future

hello my friends!!! i'm kinda loving this mild weather how about you?? so this is part 2 of yesturdays blog..or at least another part i should say..there may be more associated blogs on this subject i am sure LOL. ah the future...what will it bring. well knowing isn't really all that great. not for everything anyway. not all the time. and you have read this in my previous blogs just the very knowledge of the future can change it because you looked at it....so for those of you who can't see the future (consider yourself lucky for one thing LOL), i know you have the urge to plot and plan and prepare. even i do that, and i don't even need to. but its in our nature to try to predict things, and lay out exactly what we want to happen. BORING!! but things change so often and so quickly that again what we need to do is just enjoy the present. live for the day! i can't say this enough...ENJOY THE NOW!! before its gone!! this is it!! all your lists, and plans and preparations aren't going to matter because life is going to happen the way it wants to!! i know i have said this quote before!! stop worrying!! you'll find out soon enough!! becasue the future can only be the future for so long and THEN...it becomes the present.

we spend our whole lives worrying about the future. planning for the future. trying to predict the future. as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. but the future is always changing. the future is the home of out deepest fears and out wildest hopes. but one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself...the future is never the way we imagined it. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe journey.

knowing the future

hello my friends!! i am again sorry for my lack of blogging....aside from being crazy busy with school and parenting as usual, not that long ago i made a new friend and it seems around that time i ran into blogger's block LOL!! ugh!!! anyway...today's blog will be a two parter about the future. i have spoken about the future before. there are people who know what will happen in the future and there are people who don't. and i think its safe to say that there are parts of our future that all of us know are going to happen. and although we all seem to want to know the future i think it can be unfortunate. if you are always looking ahead, or you know what's going to happen, how can you enjoy the now?? how can you live in the present and just enjoy one day at a time?? we all want to know whats going to happen to us, but once you do you have nothing to look forward to. and it makes it easy to overlook the good stuff...the veiw of the pond from your kitchen window when you're doing dishes, the red bellied woodpecker at the birdfeeder, the smell of spring in the air. for those of us who know the future...enjoy the now. and those of us who don't...give the psychic hotline a break every now and then!!

knowing the future changes everything. then we start making decsions on what WILL happen not what COULD happen. it makes us do things we wouldn't ordinarily do. you'd think that knowing the future would make us less concerned about it. but the opposite happens. the future is what all of us are living for now. its what we are living by. (flash forward)

until next time...safe journey.

thats just life suck it up donna

hello my friends!! i am having a bit of a hard day today!! i kinda feel like a kid on a playground trying to avoid the bully!! i think we all know that people can be mean..especially woman!! and no matter how hard you try you just can't please everyone, and no matter how nice you are not everyone is going to want to be your friend. and thats just life. i know that. but when someone gives me a hard time it still doesn't feel good. i know i am a good person-and the people who REALLY know me-and even some who have just met me, who can see inside-know that i am a good person. i don't consider myself higher, or better then anyone else. but i am going to school right now, and while i am there my primary concern is me, and to learn, to do my best and participate in class, and apparently that is rubbing some of my classmates or at least one that i know of the wrong way and they are making me feel bad. it's rediculous grade school BS i know. but thats life...no matter what age you are. i thought i was done with highschool!! LOL the point is im sure we all know someone like this...in the neighborhood, or at work, or wherever. blow them off with a big smile. don't let them take one iota (is that actually a word?) of your posative energy-like i did today. they aren't worth it. just enjoy yourself, and your life before the best parts are wasted on people who don't matter.


people talk too much. people think too much. we are all just village idiots enamoured with our shadows. oblivious to the setting sun. (in plain site)

until next time...safe journey.

a little peace goes a long way

hello my friends!! i have to say i am really glad february is gone!! LOL!! things seem to be winding down a bit with everyone now that the month of "love" is over LOL!! whew!! the rest of us can relax and get on with whatever it is we do! i have noticed that we all seem to be a little more peaceful..at least for the momemt. and thats good enough!! lets just enjoy the moment!! the now!! spring is right around the corner...and with that comes cabin fever-and OH BOY!! we all know what kind of chaos comes with that!! i don't know about you but all i want to do is get out and party party party!!! so i think i'll enjoy the calm before the storm!! and i suggest you do the same!! because as soon as spring hits we'll being trying to put a name on that chaos like they do all those tropical storms that hit florida!!!

peace isn't a permanent state, it exists in moments. fleeting. gone before we even knew it was there. we can experience it at any time. in a strangers act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus, or simply the comnfort of an old routine. everyday we all experience these moments of peace. the trick is to know when they're happenning so that we can embrace them...and finally let them go-so thers can enjoy them. (grey's anatomy)

the new you

hello my friends!!! have you all dug yourselves out of this sloppy mess yet? took me all afternoon!! UGH!! enough!! i'm still reeling from all this dating-or non dating hub bub thats going on all around me-LOL. as i look at my friends-including myself actually...we make small changes to make ourselves feel better. a new doo-hair doo for those of you who are verbally challenged-LOL, we get our nails done, toes painted, buy some new clothes, the guys grow goatees, whick BTW are sexy as hell!! whatever we need to do to say here i am, new and improved!! i think its a great idea!! change something, anything!! break the routine, try something new-make yourself over, and break the mold, even if its a little scarey. you'll feel better!! i promise!! and you wont feel like you are being left behind in a rut.

[its a painful process sometimes but] we need to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute, because the world can change in an instant. and there's no time for looking back. sometimes the changes are forced on us, sometimes they happen by accident, and we make the most of them. we have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves. so we change. we adapt. we create new versions of ourselves. we just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over the last. (grey's anatomy)

until the next time...safe journey.

all around me

hello my friends!!! is winter aalmost over yet?? maybe this crappy weather is why all these break ups are going on around me. wow...its the topic of almost every conversation i have. either someone's relationship is in peril, or someone is having their heart broken, or just some form of suffering along that line. this blog is dedicated to one of my friends in particular who is having an especially hard time accepting the end of his relationship. his X girlfriend just blindsided him with it and he never saw it coming, and i have a real problem with that because that's what ruins us good people. and ya i'm speaking for myself here too. we think everthing is going well and then wham you wake up one day and its over and you have no idea what hit you. the idea of ever starting over again is insane. why would anyone ever want to open themselves up to that kind of pain ever again?? especially when we can't even get the answers or the closure we need from the last one? (well thats another blog)...thats just the way its is, i don't have any good advice here guys, i'm sorry.

you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, thats the sad truth. maybe you'll break their heart, maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll never be able to look at yourelf in the same way. those are the risks.
you see two people and you think "they belong together," but nothing happens. the thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. that's the burden. like wings[-for instance]. they have weight. we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. a burden that allows us to fly. [thats what love is supposed to be. so we keep taking the risk.] (bones}

until next time...safe jouney.

it's just a hiccup

hello my friends!! as hard as it is for us single people these days-and as you can tell IT'S HARD!!! LOL...i think that its going to turn around for us in the near future. i take comfort in the fact that i am NOT alone. its the topic of conversation no matter where i go, in school, with friends, family..and its hit all ages and every stage of life. so if history repeats itself, and we know it does-then we've hit the bottom of the barrel!! lets turn this thing around now lmao!! i think even some of my guy friends have had enough of the crap-if you can believe that. so enough said....i recently watched a funny movie called he's just not into you and here's what i learned...(quoted from the movie)

girls are taught alot of stuff growing up. if a boy punches you, he likes you, never try and trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we are told emplores us to wait for it: the 3rd act twist, the unexpected declaration of love. the exceptions to the rule? sometimes we are so focused on finding our happy ending we don't know how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the one's who will stay from the ones who will leave.
and maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. maybe its you on your own picking up the pieces and starting over. freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
or maybe the happy ending is this. knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts, through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment-you never gave up hope.

until next time...safe journey.

bad for business...

hello my friends!! i am sorry i haven't been blogging much. those of you who know me well know that i have not been myself at all. on top of being busy with school-which is a totally legitimate excuse, i have been foolish enough to let someone wreek havoc in my life-which is definately not a legitimate excuse at all. but excuses don't change the outcome however true it may be. and i want you to notice the way i said that...i let him-so i am accepting the blame. we all have done it...you get into a relationship, or you meet someone you really like and you get totally wrapped up in them-forgetting who you are. its all about them, you want them in your life so bad that you put your needs aside, and before you know it you are making bad choices and looking in the mirror at a stranger. so take your power back if its happening to you, take back your energy. and never lose your friends and family, i wouldn't have remembered who i am without mine...

desire...an emotion designed to lead us astray. persuading those who crave love to make foolish choices. causing those who yearn for family to act out in anger. allowing those who are lonely to behave in wreckless ways. and when the pursuit of our hearts desire becomes an obsession, the best we can hope for is a caring friend willing to come along...and stop us. (author unknown)


until next time...safe journey.

be mine

hello my friends!! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! i think by now most of you know how i feel about love. there are days when i don't think that it's out there at all. yet...still...there are times when i hope that someone will show up in the middle of the night with a quater pounder with cheese, no onions , large fry, and a chocolate shake!! LMAO! i think that love is a choice. you have to choose to love someone. its a choice you have to make every single day when you wake up next to the person you love. so for those of you who chose love again today i wish you happiness and joy, and i hope it lasts for as long as you want it to. for those of you who are single, i know it's a very lonely day so...go get a dog!! they still crowd you on the bed, steal the covers, snore, fart and burp in their sleep, LOL, but...they keep you warm, love you no matter what, are always happy to see you, doesn't matter what you look like, or smell like for that matter, and here's the best part-they pee outside!! so, i decided that todays quote would keep the theme of love for valentine's day...

before the "big bang", before time itself. before matter, energy, velocity...there exsisted a single immesurable state called yearning. it is a special force. a powerful force. it is the unseen strings tying the planets to the stars. it is the maddening want we feel from first breath..to last light. (author unknown)

ever thine. ever mine. ever ours. (beethoven)

until next time...safe jouney.

to an old friend

hello my friends!! first i'd like to say that i'm on my way to sunny florida!! but i'd be lying LMAO...i'm not!! i'm stuck here in NY freezing my butt off like the rest of you!! this blog is dedicated to an old friend of mine-lets call him brad-now i know you're smiling brad arent you!! haha!! back in highschool when i was freshman and brad was a senior i had such a crush on him!! and then we did the highschool play together and OMG i did everything i could to get his attention and NOTHING worked!! who knew that all these years and facebook later we would re-connect and FINALLY become friends!! and what a great friend he has been!! i think i still have a bit of a crush..LOL but its just because he's said all the right things when i have been feeling a bit down lately. why didn't you notice me back then dammit?? i'm just kidding! thanks for being amoung my few close friends and family who have been their for me-TOOK YA LONG ENOUGH!!! everyone needs a brad...

in our darkest moments we all need someone who will listen. some turn to professionals. a few rely on those who are older and wiser. others seek out someone who knows what they are going through. but for most of us nothing is quite so theraputic as a good long talk with a few old friends...(desperate housewives)

until next time...safe journey.

did you miss the bus??

hello my friends!!! anyone out there sporting a fake suntan?? LOL?? well i'm not proud, i'm going for one, anything to make me think i'm warm!! ok i gotta ask...how many of you out there ask for someone great to come along after you've just gone through a crappy break-up?? you deserve a great person right?? or when you're hurting you just want that heartache to go away?? send me somebody to make it all better?? then when we get what we ask for we don't want it. we make up excuses. we aren't ready. it's too soon, i'm too busy. whatever. i can admit it-i've done it myself. i've passed up alot of great people like that. and when i finally realized i have made a mistake its too late. i've hurt them, and they moved on to somebody who actually deserved them. we ask for things, maybe without even knowing, but we do. and when the universe sends us those gifts we send them back. after awhile-if we don't start paying attention, there'll be no more gifts.

the thing about a missed connection is once you've realized you've missed it, its already gone. you can't go back in time and make it all better. all you can do is move forward and try your best to make new memories to take over the old ones. kiss new people to overtake your old fears. and sometimes-SOMETIMES-if you're VERY lucky, the old people can become new again, and everything comes into focus, and you can imagine what your future could be.

until next time...safe journey.

happily never after

hello my friends! i have resigned myself to the fact that the universe didn't put me here to find love and share my life with another human being romantically. i am considered an earth angel. a lightworker actually. i fix broken people. people w/heartaches. i fix them, put them back on their spiritual path and i send them on their way. thats the way it goes and i have too accept that. so...here i am. if you feel broken, down in spirit, broken hearted you know how to find me. just ask the universe to send you an angel and i will be there.

we all remember the bedtime stories from our childhoods. the shoe fits cinderella, the frog turns into a prince, sleeping beauty is awakened by a kiss. one upon a time, and then they lived happily ever after. fairytales. the stuff of dreams. the problem is, fairytales don't come true. it's the other stories that begin with with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. its the nightmeres that always seem to become the reality. the person who invented the phrase happily ever after should have his ass kicked so hard!!(grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe jouney.

worry!! worry!! worry!!

hello my friends!! i am going to do something hard today..talk about one of my faults LOL. ok its not that hard for me to do. but it is for some people. but just because i am talking about this fault unfortunately wont make it go away. its still going to happen, buuuuttt,at least i can admit it LOL. i worry about everythang-and yeah i meant to spell it that way. everythang. what will the future bring? did i study enugh? will i pass this course i am taking? is this going to happen is that going to happen? AM I EVER GOING TO FIND LOVE? UGH!! sometimes i drive myself crazy!! most people are like me...a few of you may be carefree, but most of us worry. we want to know what the future holds..but like i have said before, looking at the future usually changes it anyway, simply because you looked at it. and that changes everything else...so guess what? you still don't know whats going to happen...LOL...so here's today's quote:

we're all susceptible to it. the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. it's pointless in the end, because all the worrying, and all the making of plans for all the things that could or could not happen-it only makes things worse. so...walk your dog, or take a nap. just whatever you do stop worrying. because the only cure for paranoia is to be...here...just as you are. whats going to happen is going to happen. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe journey.

am i going the right way?

hello my friends!! the damn groundhog saw his shadow!! LOL i say we get a second opinion!! i've been having bloggers block lately. not that i don't have enough quotes or enough subjects for those quotes to cover..LOL, i have 5 full journals and getting ready to start number 6. i've been preoccupied lately, with school amoung other things. it would be nice if someone could tell me if i was doing this right, and how to manage all aspects of my life so they fit better. some of us seek advise or direction from others-unless you're a guy of course then you never stop for directions LOL!!! which brings me to the question, why doesn't life come with an instruction manual?? LOL of course i am joking. for one re a gothat would be too easy, and it would also be too boring, i mean everyone would get exactly the same outcome, and end up in exactly the same place, yuck! so yes, we struggle, we get lost, but utlimately we get to make our own choices and choose our own paths....

in every journey the traveler musk as " was the right path taken?" many roads are long and winding, filled with those who have lost their way. some forge there own course guided by faith, seeking not location but a kindred soul. others step together finding safety in the arms of anotoher. a few remove themselves from the trail to avoid the path of temptation. but those who watch the track too closely fail to see where it lead them..and they are often all too surprized at their destination.

until next time...safe joouney.

talk! talk! talk!

hello my friends!! i see we are enjoying a HEATWAVE again!!! LOL I LOVE NY!!! just not so much at the moment!! as i have stated a few times in my previous blogs i have had the opportunity to meet alot of new people lately. and everyone seems to be looking for answers to something or from someone. even myself. i always seem to want answers. it could be something simple, or something complex-like matters of heart. none of us can ever figure those out. it just is what it is!! so we talk about it and we talk about it and after awhile, if thats all you focus your energy on it becomes negative and you miss all the other great things happenening around you. life is too short so maybe its time to stop talking about it...

sometimes when we are quiet the answers we have been waiting for find their way to us. we can't always use words to find our way our through the darkness. sometimes all you can hope for is some good conversation while you are figuring it all out. and maybe, when you have no words left at all, you're right where you need to be. because sometimes when you stop talking...thats when things really start.(men in trees)

until next time...safe journey.

self awareness

hello my friends!! today i seem to be doing some soul searching and searching for self awareness. we all do that from time to time as events unfold in our lives. the world is made up of so many different kinds of people and personalities that its hard sometimes to figure out where you fit in. and try as hard as you want-you are not going to fit into every situation, so you just have to make the best of it, learn what you can and move on. for those of you who know me well know that i have a habit of opening up my heart and trusting way to easily, way to quickly. thats because i see the best in everyone. and thats not going to change, i just need to tweek it a little bit LOL!!! maybe think of myself a little bit more. but i think its a gift, my posative outlook, and when god gives you a gift like that you can either choose to close yourelf and live in a place of fear, or you can choose to believe in the best version of yourself no matter what happens. i choose the best version. so i have a quote on searching for the self today:

for every being cursed with self awareness, there remains the unanswerable question...who am i? we struggle to find meaningful connections to one another, as a friend, father, mother, or lover. we fight, and we love in the hope that somehow, together we can understand our signifigance in the universe. but in the end, no one can share our burden. each of us alone must answer the question...who am i? and in the vast infinityof time, how do i matter? (heroes)

until next time...safe jouney.

saying good-bye

hello my friends!! i hope everyone is well on this fine sunday morning!! i was chatting with a friend the other day who was telling me how unhappy is in his relationship. i asked him why he was still there, and he did have a real solid answer. just that he was used to it. i met another person last night who had rercently ended an unhappy relationship...that she will probably go back to, simply because she was used to it. we do that. we stay in unhappy places unwilling to try something new because we are used to what we already have. we feel safe. break our routine and plunge into the unknown? OH MY!! that would involve taking a chance! starting all over. maybe getting hurt again. THIS hurt we have already learned to deal with. but come on people! without the possibility of pain, there can be no possibility of joy or real love. so here is today's quote and from a most unlikely source-the tv show ungly betty-hey she said it best:

i've had to say good-bye more times then i would've liked. but we can all say that. and no matter how many times we do it-it still stings. and though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to oourselves to keep moving forward. what we can't do is live our lives always afraid of the next good-bye, because chances are they're not going to stop. the trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing. when its the chance to start again.

until next time...safe journey.

history lessons!

hello my friends!! did you miss me?? LOL since i have started my class i have had waaaayyyy less time then i thought i would..no thats not a typo!! i am going to try and at least put 2 blogs up a week...and todays blog is inspired by a conversation we had while we studying for our big test yesturday that we took today. i have a feeling i am going to be saying that ALOT! LOL!! i have made some great new friends that i already feel close to and have already learned alot from. we all have baggage and we all have history. as far as baggage goes-and many of you have heard me say this, its not about losing youor baggage (like the airlines do LOL), its about learning to carry it gracefully. but history...well thats important. history you learn from. people say, "oh don't bring up the past." well you can't deny it either. because those who deny their history-which is where our baggage comes from-well they are doomed to repeat it. so as we sat there studying, and learning bits and pieces about eachother, we shared some of our histories. and the most important thing i could see in all of there faces-aside from what we were learning in class, LOL-was that they had learned some hard life lessons that had made them the great people they are today. and that's what its all about. so, today's quote (this quote goes hand in hand w/thoreau's quotes about castles in the air):

history can be messy and painful, but its not our destruction. if we're lucky it's our foundation. you just have to work your way through the mess to find what matters. to find the pieces of your past you still want to carry with you. and sometimes if you have just the right view, and just the right castle, you can build the foundation for your new history.... (men in trees)


until next time...safe journey.

falling in love...ugh!! LOL

hello my friends!! whether you are single or not i think it is fair to say that falling in love rarely involves the brain LOL..right?? i heard this quote and i wish i could remember where but i don't so i can't give credit..but it says

the bigger your investment, the bigger your return. but you have to be willing to take a chance. you have to understand you might lose it all. but if you take a chance, if you invest wisely, the payoff might just surprize you.

if you invest wisely. hmmmm, that implies that you did your research, weighed your options, and NOW you are ready to dive in. LOL. it means you used your head and not your heart. if we actually did that to chose our mates then maybe we wouldn't see such a high divorce rate? of course i am only guessing here, just my opinion. but thats not really the way it works and we all know it. we use our hearts and thats why they get broken. making decisions with our heads are the most difficult, whats best for the kids? the marraige? best for me? you all know what i mean....hence todays quote:

perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us those things that our heart wants the most. because it has been said without reason nor prudence the heart wants what the heart wants, and more often then not it will not be denied. (in plain site)

the heart has no reason in which reason knows nothing...blaise pascal


until next time...safe journey.

looking for a sign?

hello my friends!! are you enjoying the heatwave?? LOL...i can't imagine that there is anyone right now who has not heard about the tragety in haiti. it wasn't enough that they suffered the first tragic earthquake, but yet another one took out the airport where the US was flying in supplies.( i heard that on the radio so i hope i have my info correct.) between that, the war in iraq, and the many other senseless brutal acts of violence that happen in the world, i am sure at times we all look for a sign from whomever you consider to be your higher power, to let us know that they are there for us, right? sometimes we are looking for something so big that we miss the little signs right in front of us. like me for example, quite some time ago when i had one mishap after another in my life and all i could say was my me, why is this happening, my very dear friend on the other side of the world-the bones i call her-said to me, talk to your angels. we all have them. but they can't help you unless you talk to them and ask them to help you. it took me awhile to believe her but as i began to listen to her instruction more an more, and following my spiriuality, i ended up finding out who i am, and that everything happens for a reason. even the crappy stuff that makes no sense at all. so if you need help figuring it out, then call for help. i hope in someways my friends i have been your earthbound angel, but there is a song by the group train that says it best:

i need a sign to let me know you're here
all of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
i need to know that things are gonna look up
'cause i feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
when there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
when you feel the word shake from the words that are said
and i'm calling all angels, i'm calling all you angels

i wont give up if you don't up

i need a sign to let me know you're here
'cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear
i want a reason for the way things have to be
i need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
and i'm calling all angels, i'm calling all you angels.


until next time...safe jouney.

foundations

hello my friends!! all we are-we are. and everyday is the start of something beautiful. for the longest time in my life i felt like i was treading water, with no direction. so i asked my angels for guidance-an actual person here in close proximity to teach me and i met janet. (and in another blog i am going to tell you about the beautiful persosn who intoduced me to my angels, she is a HUGE part of my life, but she already knows that, Bones!) and janet showed me how to turn my negatives into posatives, live in the now-and everything i needed was right in front of me. so i looked around. and started to surround myself w/people that are likeminded. we seem drawn to eachother even if we don't know eachother-but i acatually started with my own friends and family-SURPRIZE!!! yep there they already were. now don't get me wrong, i am human. i have my moments. there are days when i still feel lonely or like i don't fit in. but they are few, and far between. i have started building foundations, right down from the chiropractor dr jim dougherty, who not only fixes my back but is a spiritual friend as well, to a great person i met in my new class who amazed me in one conversation...all you have to do is look around you and go from there. it's not always easy, but its worth it.

thoreau wrote:
if you build your castles in the air, your work need not be lost. that is where they should be. now...put the foundations under them.

until next time...safe jouney.



thoreau

whats on your mind!!

hello my friends!! still freezing our butts off i see LOL!! so i couldn't sleep last night (those of you who know me really well are going "yeah and??" LOL), i thought i heard this noise and that noise, and i made up all kinds of senerios in my head as to what it could be, and by the time i was done i found myself lurking around the corners of my house with a baseball bat in one hand and the dog right behind me probably thinking, "WTF?!!" my niece lisa(who is more like one of my beauiful sisters, of which i have 2)and i had this conversation not that long ago about the thoughts in our heads being our downfall sometimes. we let our imaginations get the best of us and it kinda wrecks things before they even get started. i know i have talked myself either into or out of many things this way. i don't think anything, but imagine everything , and it is those imagings that cause me great distress. and i have a few other quotes that go w/that:

there is much to be afraid of in this world. but what we fear the most has nothing to do with gruesome masks, spiders, or even the lifelike monsters that go up around halloween. its the thoughts in out heads that terrify us the most. "what if she comes to regret her decision?", "what if he really is unhappy?" "what if the chance for love has passed forever?" (author unknown)

emily dickenson wrote:
one need not be a chamber to be haunted. one need not be a house. the brain has corridors surpassing material place.

until next time...safe journey.

wish upon a star!!

hello my friends!! all this talk about the blue moon lately got me thinking about wishes!! alot of us are always wishing for different things. i wish i had a new car, or a better house, better job. oh here's some big ones..more money, the love of my life...blah blah blah LOL..the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. but what i have realized is that once i hop the fence its the same color, and it still needs to be mowed!! trust me i have first hand experience in this! thats not to say that a little more money wouldn't help around here anyway! so choose wisely when you wish. i found this quote from grey's anatomy that i though was great...so here it is...

we all love to lose ourselves in a good movie. when i was a girl i loved "the wizard of oz." especially the moment when dorothy opens the door into that fantastic world. but once dorothy appreciated how bright and beautiful everything was, she had a bit of a mess on her hands. one of the classic examples of "be careful what you wish for." spend 5 minutes in a fantasy and you just might find yourelf wishing for your old life back. we miss what's right in from of us when we're looking over the rainbow. but sometimes it takes stepping into someone elses world to realize how much you love the life you have. because no matter how magical the movies are, at the end of the day there's no place like home.

until next time...safe journey.

what do you mean??

hello my friends!! TGIF!! i was chatting with a friend the other day-or texting rather, and we realized that what we were trying to say had gotten lost in translation!! ever had that happen?? and it wasn't the first time or the first friend really that had happened with, where we were texting along and completely misunderstood what the other person was saying or trying to say. i think our communication skills are sadlly lacking these days. texting is fun...absolutely!! i'll be the first to say that i am addicted!! i'd rather text then talk LOL. but no matter what the form of communication it is up to us to be heard and understood...

the mind is a funny thing. its the place from which everything else eminates yet no one else can access anyone elses. which means we've got to communicate. with animals we only use the most straight forward language. words like, "sit", "stay", "no". but between one another things quickly get complicated. what we say is not always what we mean. and at times we have to fight through mixed messages or start all over again. but no matter how hard it is and now often we feel misunderstood, it is our responsibility to keep fighting for clarity. because in the end we teach people how to treat us, which means the responsibilty to communicate lies not on the shoulders of others but ourselves. (author unknown)

until next time...safe journey.

how much is too much??

hello my friends!!! its a brand new COLD day LOL..ya even i have to face the truth today on that one!! lately i have had the the very good fortune of meeting some new people. which is both exciting and difficult, no matter what the capacity. could be someone i am going to date. could be just someone i hope to have as a new friend. the point is, that things have changed out there and how do you know what you should share about yourself?? can knowing too much be a turn off? should you be an open book or are some things better left unread??

there's an old saying, "what you don't know can't hurt you." but is that really true? or can the things not said today haunt you tomorrow? everyone knows the truth can be painful-but it can also set you free. its a risk you take whenever you open yourself up to someone. i for one think honesty is worth it. and who knows you just might be pleasently surprized. (men in trees)

until next time...safe jouney

do you remember that??

hello my friends!! are you enjoying this sunny 90 degree weather here in beautiful central NY?? WHAT?? you mean its not warm outside? hhmmmmm, apparently i see things differently then you do!! as i was making my way through the holiday seasons as best i could i noticed that alot. we all do alot of reminiscing. hey remember this? remember that? and i kept thinking....was that really the way it was?? i remember something entirely different!! even my owm memories had holes in them LOL..i think that we remember what we want to remember-what we choose to rememeber, it should be the memories that makes us happiest. for most of us anyway. memories are very delicate. they are sometimes what gets us through. and i was watching the tv show heroes last night and they seems to bring that to light when they said:

there are many ways to define our fragile existance. many ways to give it meaning. but it is our memories that shape its purpose, and give it context. the private assortment of images, fears, loves, aand regrets. we choose the importantance of each. building our own unique histories one memory at a time-hoping the ones we choose to remember wont trap us. for it is the cruel irony of life we are destined to hold the dartk with the light, and the good with the evil, success with disappointment. this is what seperates us. what makes us human. and in the end, we must fight to hold on to.

until next time...safe journey

the other side!!

hello my friends!! ima back!! (are you laughing sister?? lmao) i have great friends!! i have great family!! and i love being on the other side!! i had so much fun last night just laughing and being myself!! but as far as the man/woman reltionship part of the other side, well i'm not so sure about that yet. i've been single for a long time, an quite frankly i'm ok with that. i know alot of people don't understand, but i really am. don't get me wrong, yes i get lonely....but my side of the bed is my side of the bed, and don't touch my tomatoes LOL. i guess that means i really haven't found the one yet because a friend of mine pointed out that when i don't mind sharing my tomatoes, then i know i found the one. so here is today's quote;

the truest thing i know about relationships is that we don't know anything at all. you can't always get the one you want, and sometimes the one you get might not be the right one at all. but if yu have hope the universe has a funny way of showing you exactly what you need. the challenge is to let yourself be alone until the right one shows up. ( men in trees)

until next time...safe jouney

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

hello my friends!!! its not just a new day!! its a whole new year!! we enetered into it on a blue moon..full of amazing energy!! you've heard the epression "once in a blue moon!" right?? well that blue moon was last night!!! the slogan for last year was lets shine in 2009!!! i don't know about you but i did my best!!! i think i shined for the most part LOL, no one is perfect so i am sure i had my dull moments! well i don't haave a quote for today...i am just glad to say that we made i through another year together. some of our relationships did not make it, and some of us have new ones, or are trying to form new ones, and most of us are just greatful for the ones we have-and when i speak of relationships i mean all of them, loves, families, and friendships...so here's what i have to say for this new year-this new beginning...if you shined in 2009 then lets do it again in 2010, if you didn't quite get there in 2009 then lets try again in 2010....

until next time...safe journey