who wants to live forever?

hello my friends!! i know it still feels like winter...but change is coming!! i hope!! lately i have had the unfortunate experience of having not one or even two friends come to me, but several come to me and tell me that someone they knew has committed suicide. and each time i cried for them because they said to me, could they have some how been a better friend?? it's a question i ask myself all the time. but i think we all know that in these hard times it goes way deeper than that. there is a song that i play all the time that says "when a heart breaks it don't break even..." part of me wants to tell you to stay posative and hopeful, after all hope floats. and like the weather, change is coming. but i am also realistic. before it can get better it will most likely get worse. am i wishing for it, or trying to draw that on us?? no...but life is life. and we can't control the rest of the world...and sometimes what we are doing in our corner isn't enough to keep the rest the of the world out...but thats kind of an obvious statemnent.

we forget sometimes how much the world can hurt. it can hurt people we love. people we don't. people caught in the middle. even people who'd give anything if they could just never ever hurt again. but sometimes the hurt can't be avoided. it just keeps coming at us and it can't be stopped. its in us and it can't be seen. or it's lying next to us in the dark, waiting. but sometimes it doesn't come at all. sometimes we get this other thing that flutters down out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. sometimes, rarely, barely, but just when we need it most and expect it the least...we get a break. (mary shannon, us marshal, in plain site)

until next time...safe jouney.

things that make you go hmmmm

hello my friends!!! i hope you have been well!!! i have been busy as usual!! i have adjusted some things to this site so you should all be able to leave comments if you want to...good or bad, i welcome all thoughts. so i hope to start hearing from more of you. i know you are out there!!
i have made many new friends of late, and re-aquainted with old friends thanks to facebook!! we all struggle with different things. you have heard me say many times before that life is difficult and that is no revelation. we want things to be perfect but of course thats not realistic. but still we want to know why sometimes...why me? why with all my hard work and hard efforts do i do all the right things and bad things still happen. thats just life. sometimes you do everything you can and you still get a bad outcome. its discouraging, no one knows that more then me, or maybe you do. but just because sometimes my best isn't good enough, is not a reason not to give it anyways. and to realize that it all happens for a reason. life is going to happen without rhyme or reason that we always understand. so when you lay your head on your pillow, whether it was a good day or a bad day just remember you really did what you could...the universe just took it from there.

sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. sometimes you do everything right-everything exactly right, and still you feel like you have failed. could something have been done to prevent the tragety in the first place? probably not. sometimes the day just ends. (author unknown)

until next time...safe journey.

the key

hello my friends!! i hope you are having a wonderful day!! i want you all to know that i am researching new blog sites thanks to the help of my very good friend and class husband-lol-don!! hopefully with a new site you can all actually subscribe and leave comments.
that being said i feel like when i blog i am supposed to always be happy and posative...and if i am not i am letting you all down. but thats really my own fault for feeling that way. i am sure that like me you'll all have days where you struggle. and this blog is the perfect place for me to express my feelings whether they are happy or sad. and i have posted sad blogs before, i just don't like doing it LOL!
a character i follow n TV from the show in plain site said that "time kills everything. hope, health, dreams, even love. everything we love is eventually murdered by the hands of time." thats true and thats life. but that doesn't mean we have to feel good about it. its safe to say that we can't leave here until we find the door, or as jim morrison said no ne gets out alive. of coure i am not looking for THAT door right now!! LOL i am still looking for the key to the OTHER door!! my happily ever after!! although i hate that phrase. its gotta be just around the corner, right?? i am trying to keep up the hope, and the dreams...but i am 46 years old and still looking for love-although there again, and i've said it before-you know how i feel about that. there's that time thing again.

some say love is the only thing that's real. some say life would be a whole lot better with out it. for me the jury is still out on that one.(in plain site)

until next time...safe journey.

where are you today??

hello my friends!!! ok i just had the laziest week of my life LOL!! thats why my blog is behind!! i am embarrassed to say...i did nothing!! but ok, today starts anew! and here i am!! and i would like everyone who reads this to take a moment regardless of who you are, where you are, no matter what your age-pause for a moment and think back to when you were planning your future as a highschool or college graduate and think...is this where you thought you would end up?? now wait!! i am not saying its necessarily a bad thing, that just because you ended up on a different road in life that you failed-hell no!! i simple said, are you where you thought you'd be?? i'm not! but i don't feel like a failure! i have my moments, i'm human. for the longest time i felt like a total loser with the bad choices i had made, but anyone can do that. i've made alot of good choices too. we make good choices we make bad choices. life throws things at us constantly, you make the best of it and from what i can see of all of you that i know-including me, we done good!! maybe we aren't where we thought we'd be, maybe we are....you adapt, make new plans and hope for the best!

no matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. we'd prefer to know of course what curve balls will be thrown our way. it's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day...of life...the people we never expected to show up, the turn of events we never would've chosen for ourselves. all of the sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. and its nice, or it takes some getting used to. still you know you'll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. so you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing your lists, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way, will be happy ones. (grey's anatomy)

until next time...safe journey.

parenthood!!!

hello my friends!! i am soooooooooooooo lovin this weather!! the peepers are out!! and that is my most favorite sound in the whole world!! i love to just sit outside at night and listen to mutual of omaha going on in my yard LOL!!!
i am going to start todays blog with a quote and end with a quote. my son's birthday was yesturday, so of course i spent the day trying to make sure he had a great time and wondering if i was really a good parent!!

psychologists believe that every aspect of our lives, all our thought processes and behavior patterns are the direct result of our relationship to our parents...that every relationship we have is really just another version of that first relationship. its just us trying over and over again to get it right.(grey's anatomy)

yeah, i don't know if i buy that, do you? i mean, my parents were great, my mom still is and look at me! LOL i haven't made the best choices in my relationships!!!but i think i am doing a good job as a mom. and i know people who have had the worst parents in the world and they are best parents now, and their relationships seem fine to me. we get make our own choices when we grow up. my dad always said that you can't help how you start out in this world, whether it's good or bad, but you sure as hell can write the ending to your own story. so, choose to be a good parent, and if you struggle a little so what. its not a crime to ask for help or advice. i do all the time. it makes you a better person because that means you want to do the best job you can.

it's the most important job in the world. you probably should need a license to do it, but then most of us wouldn't even pass the written exam. some people are naturals, they were born to do it. some have other gifts. but the good news is biology dictates you don't have to do it alone. you can waste your whole life wondering. but the only way to find out what kind of parent you'll be is to stop talking about it and just do it. (grey's anatomy)

until next time....safe journey.

i learned something from the bully!!

hello my friends!! i hope you get to get out and enjoy this is beautiful day!! and thats no april fools joke!!! so the coolest thing happened to me in class yesturday!!! and i kinda owe it all to my bully!! i have been laying a been low in class. still participating, of course, but not as much. i admit, i felt self conscious! then yesturday, out of the blue, one of the girls-whom i admire anyways BTW, with her awesome attitude, and infectious laugh-just starts shouting out answers lefts and right!!! i was so proud of her, not that i had anything to do with it, it was all her hard work!!! but felt great to me for another person to accel(sp?). so by me stepping back a little, someone else got to step forward!! how great is that?? it just reaffirms my belief that everything happens for a reason, and there is a lesson to be learned in all that happens to us whether its good or bad. thank you bully!!

satisfaction comes not from having all the answers, but from watching others find them. (charles epps, numbers)

until next time...safe journey.